


My name is BLURRYFACE

by fear_her_blurryface



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10012061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fear_her_blurryface/pseuds/fear_her_blurryface
Summary: I think, the tags are explanation enough.





	

I think he has always been there. Lurked in the depths of my thoughts and waited for his time. Waited in the dark. During my childhood, he always came out of his hiding place to torture me, then disappeared again. But as I grew older, he started to whisper. Untiringly. As a steady voice that echoed from the inside of my skull. With a voice that dripped with hatred and disgust.  
, You are  
stupid  
ugly  
fat  
worthless  
unlovable'  
My parents were no help. They only confirmed him. They made him more powerful. They did not care about what I thought or how I felt.  
'My name is BLURRYFACE and I care what you think'  
And he did. He persuaded me to hurt myself.  
‚Come on! Let your blood flow! It is a liberating feeling! And we both know, you deserve it‘ he hissed.  
I grabed the shard of glass, and began to cut. It was the first time. ,Deeper, deeper! More!'  
As the blood brokes through my skin, I could feel it: I felt liberated. Blurry was right. The piercing pain afterwards felt good. I had deserved it anyway.  
, Well done love. Believe me, I'm always right. And don‘t forget: I care what you think '

I felt something stroking my cheek. A hand, pale as faded bones. The blood-red, long fingernails, made a beautiful ghostly contrast in some way. I looked up and could see Blurry for the first time. His long hair had the color of teak and fell over his shoulders. The black eyebrows and eyelashes harmonized with his pale skin. His red eyes were particularly fascinating. They had a depth you could drown in, like in two lakes of blood. His lips had the same deep red color, behind them peaking white, pointed teeth. His veins shimmered black under his skin. He was taller than me and was wearing only a black skinny jeans. His body was well shaped, confirmed by his bare chest.  
I was still trying to understand why I could see him suddenly, where he always was a voice in my head. There was a wide nasty grin on his face, as he said  
‚Don‘t break your head with thinking about that. You're to stupid to understand it‘ I wanted to protest, but he pressed his index finger to my lips and rumbled, Don‘t you dare tell me. You wouldn‘t like the consequences. You can be sure of that ' So I said nothing.  
He was my constant companion, who was walking next to me or looking over my shoulder. If I had forgotten his presence for a moment, he stroked my upper arm with his nails, or made himself subtly noticeable in other ways. These were the situations I was lucky for. He could be also quite different.  
His right hand grabbed my throat, and I could barely breathe as he pressed me against the wall of the room. "I told you, you shouldn‘t give any arguments," he snapped, pressing firmly even more. "You're a worthless piece of shit and stupid because you just don‘t want to get it." He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the bathroom. He forced me to look into the mirror. ‚Do you think that you could be liked with this ugly face? You are fat and disgusting‘ I tried to shake my head no, under his iron grip. , Correct, and to make sure, you don‘t forget it, I will see your blood. IMMEDIATELY! He let go of my hair with a push and took a razor blade into my hand. When my blood began to drip into the sink, a satisfied grin lit up his face. ‚Good girl ' 

Blurryface used every opportunity, to take all the good, that happened to me to the contrary. Even the smallest compliment, he refuted immediately. " Don‘t even think, that was meant serious. If they would know, how stupid and worthless you are, they wouldn‘t even look at you with their ass anymore 'Even eating was a fight with Blurry in my neck. ‚Do you think you deserve to eat? Give me a reason, you worthless bitch! Are you not already fat enough? Look at you!‘He hissed in my ear as he pulled me in front of a large mirror. His fingernails dug deep into the flesh of my hips. "You don‘t need to be surprised at the fact, that nobody wanted you. Nobody love such a weak, fat mess like you, he groaned and dragged me to the bathroom, where he forced me to kneel in front of the toilet. "And now, vomit the food up you worthless bitch, before I forget myself!'  
My arms stuck and my stomach twitched as I lay in bed in the evening. I felt Blurry's cold body press against my back, while he was stroking my hair with his right hand. Every now and then he whispered something in my ear until I slipped into sleep.

What could really get him into a rage was, when a man was interested in me. It happened barely, but it happens. When these men let me down, he was grinning like a cheshire cat ‚Well, I told you. I told you, that when they get closer to you, they let you fall with disgust‘ His nails scratch over my back, leaving red stitches behind. I let my head sink. He stood close to me, cupped my chin, and forced me to look him in the eye. They shone like liquid blood in the moonlight. , Stupid child. No one will ever love you. You are worthless, fat and ugly. These guys know very well that you are only capable of being used. For them, you're nothing more than a whore. And you know that, don‘t you?‘ Tears began to run down my cheeks as Blurry began to leave bite marks on my neck.

The days began to become empty and meaningless, blurred to darkness. I felt more and more out of place. I shouldn‘t be here. I was just an intruder in this life. This was not the place I should be. Besides, nobody cares whether I existed or not. I was just a nervous annoyance for my environment. So I asked one night when I was in Blurry's cold embrace: "Blurry?" Hm? "I don‘t want to life anymore." I know."He began to stroke my hair. "It is truly better for all involved when you end this miserable existence. You're just a waste of space and air. "" Do you think someone will miss me? "Blurry laughed to himself before he answered, sighing , who would miss a worthless whore like you. Everyone is happy when they are rid of you. 'I nodded mutely. After a while I asked him "Blurry?", Hm? "" Will the world be a better place when I'm gone? "He sighed again. He always did that, when I asked him a particularly stupid question , Yes, she will.‘ " Blurry? " ‚ Hm?‘ „Will you stay with me till the end?“ ‚Yes. You know: At the end, it was always just the two of us.' "You're right. You were always there. My only friend "I felt like he was grinning in my hair. 'My name is Blurryface and I care what you think‘

There was this place, in the middle of the forest. On a field stood a very old apple tree. His apples were shriveled, his branches brittle, his bark cracked like dry skin. I have often sat on one of his broad branches, leaning on his trunk. I was like this apple tree. A useless, lonely creature clinging desperately to a senseless existence. I glanced across the lonely field as I slumped back into Blurry's cold embrace who was leaning behind me against the tree trunk. I wondered briefly that the branch, we were lying on, could carry both of us. Blurry put the cold razor blade in my hand and whispered , It's time.‘ I grabbed it and began to sink it in my skin as the blade slid down my forearm. He helped me to lead them, and when the blood began to flow from the gaping wound, he muttered contentedly ‚Well done.‘He began to stroke through my hair and drive my auricle with little kisses. I looked to the sky through the branches of the tree as my blood flowed through the deep craters of the bark. It was a warm summer day, and the wind gently passed through the tree. It had something peaceful. The picture began to blur. "Blurry?" "Yes, my dear?" "Will I be free?" ‚Yes, sweetheart. The death frees everyone.‘ " Blurry, I'm so tired, "Then sleep. I'm here with you ' The Darkness surrounds me. The last thing I saw in the dark was his bloodred eyes, which looked at me knowingly. A gentle smile played around his lips as he said, My name is Blurryface and I care what you think‘


End file.
